


forever the end for us

by caisha



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fix-It, From him tossing the lightsaber to the end, TROS Major Spoilers, slightly AU because some of it was so dumb I couldn't write it well
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 20:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21894442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caisha/pseuds/caisha
Summary: A look into Ben Solo's mind and heart from the time of his turn until the end. Fix-it for TROS ending.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 83
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	forever the end for us

**Author's Note:**

> this is honestly kind of terrible so thank you for reading, I just had to get something out there. I'll probably write other fix it fics later once I've semi-recovered.

_ “How or why or in what way the flower of love will come to us, whether with life or death, triumph or defeat, joy or madness, no man on this earth can say. But I know that at the end–forever at the end for us–the houseless, homeless, doorless, driven wanderers of life, the lonely men–there waits forever the dark visage of our comrade, Loneliness.” _ **  
** **-Thomas Wolfe, The Hills Beyond**

The saber flew from his hands and with it came a sense of overwhelming relief. He had held on for so long, convincing himself of the right thing - that there was no going back, he had chosen his path. But no path was set in stone and what he was taught as weakness from Vader he now saw as strength. A moment to choose between the life you love and the despair of your existence.

His mother was gone. There was no home anymore. If there ever really was. His stomach tightened at the thought.

_ Rey. _ The focus of his mind since she stepped into his life, relentlessly pushing him - fighting him - out of pure anger at his refusal to see the truth - that he could always come home. To her. They had no homes but each other, she was with the Resistance. But even he felt the sadness within her, the loneliness. It wasn't  _ home.  _ Not what home was supposed to be for for someone like them. An understanding and no fear of their powers. He knew what he had to do. And where Rey was surely headed.

And what would await her. His heart was heavy even as his soul was light - carrying the burden of one soul together. Would she understand - did she really? She had run him through with her lightsaber - and he had no anger in his heart at it. Kylo Ren deserved it, perhaps - for disappointing her so much. For not being what she needed at the right times. For not making the choice sooner. But then she had turned to him in that heartbreaking moment of shared grief and as if she had realized what she had done, slid her hand onto his wound. For the first time in his life he felt light suffuse him - uncomplicated compassion - for  _ him _ . Could she feel his heart beating at that moment? There was no way to know, but he all he wanted to do was touch her face, let the sadness wash away as her hand rested still against his stomach. Another battle scar, gifted from his Scavenger. A wound he would proudly wear the rest of his days.

He couldn’t let that light be twisted by Palpatine, for it is surely what he intended - he had wanted Kylo to end her and he had failed as he so often did with his masters when it came to her. But those failures were ones he accepted and felt proud of - were even deliberate.

She would go to him, and he would try to turn her - ending her soul or form - and he would make it his life's mission to bring her back from the brink. The same churn and maelstrom of emotions echoed in her as him, twin souls, a dyad of the force so rare there had only ever been brief mentions of it in Sith and Jedi texts.

Another wave pushed up against the Death Star ruin, spraying him with water . He had to get off the planet - and go to her. For once he didn't need a bond to know where to go - she would head straight to Exogal. To their doom.

* * *

In a darker echo of the first time he had landed there, Exogal now felt like his tomb instead of Palpatine's. But his feet flew faster across the ground as he spared a glance for an unexpected X-Wing.

_ Rey  _ was his only thought as he gripped the small blaster in his hand, taking off down the dark hallway, praying the bond would open so Rey would  _ know.  _ Know he had come for her, wanted her - for her to feel that she was his  _ home  _ in all the ways that mattered - even if it was for a brief second before the darkness his life was surrounded by overcame him again.

He launched himself down the shaft, body slamming into the rock with the recklessness he had always been known for, landing with a pained grunt. He rolled off and kept moving, knowing that if he stopped then Rey would be gone - to the dark or death. Neither one he would allow, and his legs pushed forward with stronger thuds against the ground.

Familiar boots scraped across the stone hallway as he skidded to a stop, turning the corner into three of his former Knights. Their allegiance always predicated on nothing but ruthless power, they were certainly not here to help their former Master. Their allegiance was to the Dark - the Sith, who now lay resurrected in a tomb.

The firing of lasers and ships crashing into Destroyers faded away into the silence of the of the underground, the whispers of ancient Sith sending tendrils of darkness skimming over his skin. Rey needed him, he had no time to waste on ruminations on the Knights of Ren.

With that, he took off, blaster firing on two of them, unfamiliar in his hand but natural at the same time. He burst into the next room taking out one behind him and then skidding to a stop as a fist pummeled his stomach.

He had always been physical - a brawler - but his mind was entirely on Rey, the desperation to get to her so palpable that when the Knight’s fist connected to his face and he landed on the floor, he sobbed in relief - because there she was.

Rey, the terror on her face palpable as she held his family's lightsaber, ready to attack - he gasped in pain and relief as it washed away. Slowly, he  _ feels  _ her smile. At him.  _ For  _ him. Finally.

_ I thought you'd never come,  _ it whispered in his mind. The Knights seem to be confused at his refusal to fight as he stands and stares at her. And then the lightsaber is falling behind her, into his hand, a legacy that had darkened his life - and terror seized him. Is she now unarmed?

But on instinct he spun into action, slicing through the Knights with quick, brutal efficiency. There was no time to think, letting his hard-won skills and instincts take over as he took them all on at once, slicing through one after another, showing them once again why  _ he  _ was the Master of the Knights of Ren - Darkside or no. When the last one fell he took off towards the chamber, his connection with Rey pulling him towards her with each step, chest pounding as he slid into the room, taking in the hovering Palpatine.

"Ah, of course. In the end you betray me - as your family always has."

"I was never with you, this was always how it was going to end," and that was the truth, except this time he stood with her knowing that they would not rule the Galaxy with their power, instead free it from the tyranny of the Sith masters.

He had wanted her by his side to end Palpatine, but a corrupted dark version of what this was. Now there was nothing but lightness in him, a hope long abandoned.

Rey looked at him as if everything was suddenly right in the world for a brief moment, before she ignited a lightsaber he had never seen before. It felt familiar, but a story for another time - if there was one. After other things.

The chamber suffocated them with darkness and fear as the chants grew louder - more fear than he had ever known in his life, even under Snoke - but as they turned to Palpatine with their sabers ignited they were finally united at the same time. Ben and Rey, as the universe always intended. The Force finally had their dyad united in common purpose and it was turned onto the master Sith before them.

Palpatine was barely breathing, but began laughing as the combined show of force took shape.

"Ah, of course. I should have known better than to ask one half of a dyad to kill another," Ben shuddered at the memory of what he had to pretend to do. He had never tried to kill her, knowing he never could - even as Kylo Ren. She was one half of him. He couldn't be alone again, not when he knew what it was like with her now.

"The power you have - the life brimming between you. The bond you share, rare across time and the galaxy - just for this moment." The jagged edges of his voice cackled as Ben took a step forward, swinging his lightsaber, getting used to the lighter feeling as they approached Palpatine.

It should have been easy, he was weak - both in body and power. But Ben should have known - Snoke was weak, but his power was strong - and Palpatine stopped their approach, pulling them both into the air effortlessly. Panic set in again as he struggled to talk to Rey, to comfort her, to figure out  _ what and how to deal with him.  _ Why had he thought it would be as easy as running him through with a lightsaber?

"I wanted to make you powerful," he scratched. "You could have had the power of millenia of Sith to rule the galaxy with you, but instead you chose  _ this.  _ Such a common thing, love. Power has no use for such things, I thought you understood that Kylo Ren. This girl is nothing but a vessel for the power you need."

They were forced to their knees in a cruel parody of the last time they stood together against Snoke. He had spent years on his knees for a master, taking every lesson in pain in order to lessen his own.

"And with your energies, your strength, I rise once again. Showing the overwhelming power of the Dark side," his hand shot out and Ben felt his breath and soul being sucked through his skin, body frozen as he stared at the ceiling, powerless. His eyes tried to catch a last glimpse of Rey as their lives were sucked out of their bodies, but even that he was denied. Instead it was everything he could do to wrap her in the warmth of his love and acceptance, hoping she would understand. That they weren't alone, even in this.

"One, but separate at the same time," the Emperor boomed as the life-drained bodies dropped to the floor. "You die together."

And with a final shared breath, darkness enveloped them.

* * *

Ben felt cold, his body heavy and weak as he shifted, opening his eyes. The Sith chamber.

_ Rey. _

He still felt her, faint but present as he rolled over, finding her passed out body on the floor.

"You cannot stop me, Ben Solo. I have been resurrected and you will fade with her as I watch the paltry ships she brought blasted from the sky."

At that, Palpatine raised his arms, lightning effortlessly shooting out towards the sky, towards the fleet, somehow directing only upon the Resistance forces as they struggled to take out each Destroyer cannon they could.

He crawled over to where Rey was beginning to stir, knowing he couldn't do this alone. They never could - they were born for this, the Force brought them together for just this moment. He called the lightsabers to him, catching both in each hand, handing one wearily to Rey as he kept an eye on Palpatine.

"We have to draw his fire," he murmured at her, watching the realization in her eyes.

"Ben, no-"

He stood, sharing a single thought with her before launching himself towards Palpatine,  _ Be ready. _

The surprise momentarily disrupted the lightning, earning a small reprieve as Ben lifted his lightsaber in a cutting arc towards the Emperor, easily dodged - he attempted to push Ben backwards, but Ben held his place, feet braced on the floor with the power of the Force as he reached out for Rey's consciousness.

Palpatine shot a bolt of lightning at Rey, flinging her back and earning a pained cry from him as he watched her stumble.

In a flash of pure instinct, Ben released all of his energy out towards Palpatine, a shot of green lightning erupting from his hand, the burst pushing him back slightly as Ben’s eyes went wide.

There had been stories about how to counter the Dark side's lightning, but never did he think he would be in control enough for it. But for her-

Palpatine blocked the blast with his own, blue meeting green in the middle as Ben grunted with the strain of holding it back, slowly watching it gain ground towards him.

_ Ben. _

_ Rey. _

And then he felt her slide over his consciousness, molding with his own powers and he watched as she raised her hand in a mirror image of him. Watched as lightning erupted from her as well - so different than the rage fueled one on Pasaana.

And now Palpatine split his hands, his powers, pushing against both of them - losing ground. He had drained their life force, but Rey and Ben were stronger than that - the Force flowing through them as they embraced their shared destiny. They were one, united for this purpose and beyond - beacons of the Force.

Ben stepped closer to Palpatine, forcing the lightning towards him with each step.

"You will succumb to the power of the Sith as Vader did before you," he mocked and Ben heard Rey cry out in pain as the lightning began to touch her.

_ Be with me.  _ Startled, he recognized the voice of his Uncle, urging him on.

_ Take what you need. It's yours.  _ And even more power flew through him, making Ben scream with pain as his chest pounded with the unnatural strain, sweat glistening on his face at the effort.

Both hands came up, launching the lightning towards the Emperor and in a final burst it hit him in an explosion of green light that sent him and Rey flying. Ben felt the edge of a crevice hit as he tumbled down into a crack where no light could reach, blacking out again - but this time in victory.

* * *

He woke to an emptiness he had not felt for months, not since he and Rey had met - forged their unbreakable bond. It was as if his soul was splintered, a hollow feeling in his chest. He reached out to Rey, feeling for her in the dark chamber above.

There was nothing.

Nothing alive lay up there under the stars and the emptiness he had woken with turned into despair.

His knee was ripped apart, leg twisted as he dragged himself up the rock through the sheer strength of his upper body, the Force silent - at rest. It had abandoned him and Rey in their final moments, finally done and used up.

And so he slammed his fist into each tiny crevice, one good leg reaching for purchase and giving his body a break in between bouts of strength.

There was no way she was-

He refused to consider the ache in his heart, the emptiness in his soul - she had probably just woken somewhere further away than him, maybe gone to destroy the rest of Palpatine's lab.

But with dread he knew that wasn't true - she would never leave him alone. Not anymore. Not like this.

His bruised and bloody hand hit the edge of the floor finally and he grunted as he pulled himself up, needing to collapse, but searching for her. And he sees her, stark white against a dark stone floor and he stumbles to his feet, bad leg dragging so he ends up crawling to her, tears unbidden falling down his face.

It wasn't supposed to end this way, they were fated - a dyad, true - but much more. They were the other half of each other, both mind and heart. He wouldn't lose her, not when he had just found her. Finally brave enough to embrace her.

He collapsed over her body, grabbing her arm, pulling her body into his lap, hand resting against her neck to feel the telltale signs of life - and nothing. No heartbeat greeted him, no blood sang to his own, no resonance in the Force to match his own.

He pulled her to his chest, looking with blank, tear-filled eyes at nothing. No one came for him, for them, this time. He was alone again and he buried his neck in her hair, letting out an anguished sob.

He sat there for minutes, shocked and empty, holding her lifeless body in his own, until his hand brushed against her stomach and he remembered.

She had done this before - given up some of her life for his. He hadn't been dead, but - maybe -

_ Ben, no - she's dead _

A voice he had never heard before rang out beside him and he looked and saw a man younger than him, with short dark blonde hair - like his own except in color.

"Who are you?" His voice was broken, from tears and disuse.

"A man who spent his life trying to do just this. I wanted my wife back, but you can't - there's nothing you can do for her except to mourn."

Ben didn't accept that, wouldn't - "What do you know? No one is here who cares. I only have  _ her.  _ I won't let her go."

He gathered her in his arms as he banished the ghost without another word and stilled as his hand rested on her stomach, mind centering on the visual - sending his life into hers.

It would be worth it in the end - she was so much better than he was, deserved so much more life. Tears flowed freely now that his focus was entirely on the buzzing energy that flowed from his fingers into hers and then a gasp brought him out of his trance and her eyes found his.

They stared at each other in shock for moments - did she even know what had happened? He couldn't waste thoughts on that as she looked at him with a smile that knocked his breath away.

_ "Ben,"  _ her voice was relieved, overjoyed as his hand caressed her cheek, thumb dragging against her jaw.

He couldn't even respond to her, eyes roaming her face, lips quivering into a smile as if he had no idea how to form one. She was alive, and he was desperately trying to ignore the feeling inside of him - of something draining away, taking away his connection to the Force that had thrummed in him since birth.

Their eyes watched each other in a certainty that was overwhelming, pushing Rey to surge against him, lips slamming against his own. His arms gripped her back and neck, holding her close as their lips stayed pressed to each other, savoring the contact they had been denied for so long. They had wasted so much time. And now-

She pulled away and it was all he could do to smile, heart full and light with love for Rey, his scavenger Jedi.

How he would miss her.

His thumb brushed against her lips before he finally succumbed, body slowly going limp in her arms. But power surged through him as she screamed in rage, brute forcing power into him, the bond surging to life with greater intensity than ever before.

His chest stuttered with breath as they finally synced again, breathing in and out in time with another, her power molding to his very core. Their bond thrummed with life, a shared life force resplendent. Their powers mixed, light and dark, into a brilliant reservoir of strength.

Slowly she lowered his heavy body to the ground, hovering over him, hand pressed against his chest.

"I can't lose you now," she whispered. "If you die, I die."

Ben leaned up for a kiss returned eagerly by her, diving deeper than the last. They would have a lifetime to explore each other's lips.

"We should stick close, then. For protection." He smirked and she swallowed hard, disarmed.

"There's a lot of work to be done," she sighed.

"I'm not going anywhere."

**Author's Note:**

> come follow me @reylosource! twitter/tumblr


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